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"Ah fuck it - the cunt bit me" - a Steve Irwin tribute
Alive: Back To The Andes
Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show
Anti-Social Old Buggers
The Apprentice
The Apprentice Series Three Final
The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report
The Apprentice Season 4
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The Armstrongs
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Ashes to Ashes
Battlestar Galactica Season 3
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Battlestar Galactica Season 4
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Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion
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Being... N-Dubz
Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave
Bernard Matthews Golden Moments
Big Brother 2005
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Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out
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Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it
Big Brother 2008 - Mario must die
Big Brother 2008: Stuart tapped the compassion vending machine and it toppled over and fell on top of him
Big Brother 2010 final
Big Brother's Big Mouth
Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism
Big Brother got no gas, Sienna Miller got no ass, Mark Ronson got no class
Big Brother poetry
Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism
Bionic Woman pre-air pilot
Bo! in the USA
Bodies
Bodies series finale
Body Shock: Half Ton Man
Bollocks To Cancer
Bonekickers
The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence
Breaking Bad
Breaking Bad Season 2 finale
Breaking Bad Season 3
Bring Back...Grange Hill
Britain's Got Talent Series 4
Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
Bruce Forsyth - A Comedy Roast
Bully Beatdown
C-D
Californication
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Caprica pilot
Castrating Galactica - why Faceman needs to can it
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Derren Brown: The Heist
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Election 2005 coverage
Emily Parr - an apology
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Going Cold Turkey
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Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed
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How Not To Live Your Life
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I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25
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In This Corner
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The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret
Inside Waco |
Love skunk Vernon Kay sprays his rat jism in the general direction of Skank Central. Misses.
Those freaks was right when they said you was dead
Many, many men want to live the glamorous poonhound lifestyle of Aerial Telly yet how many have the intestinal fortitude? How many can take on board that it actually requires more temperance, more discipline, more diligence than a regular "life" style? They want to "be" the "man" but can they make the sacrifices necessary for this act of social magick to occur? The feck they can. For that reason Vernon Kay will spend tonight alone in the spare room,his bare feet sticking incongruously over the edge of his single bed, eating cold macaroni cheese straight from the tin with one hand, comfort masturbating with the other, crying like a girl guide, periodically scrubbing himself with bleach, howling "why???? why????"
"Vernon Kay will spend tonight alone in the spare room, eating cold macaroni cheese straight from the tin with one hand, comfort masturbating with the other, periodically scrubbing himself with bleach, howling 'why????'"
Oh, it seemed like such a good idea to have text-sex with five different women. After all, who would ever find out? After all, glamour models are notoriously reluctant to share details of their private lives with the press, particularly if it involves someone in the public eye. You just got unlucky, Vern. THIS COULD NOT HAVE BEEN PREDICTED1
Perhaps the most humiliating thing of all here is the tragically feeble nature of the infidelity. Kay claims not to have banged any of these broads and I, for one, believe him. It's just that weak. If you're going to be plastered over every tabloid, have your every movement pored over you surely want to have had some compensatory ass, that oh-so-sweet mistake you mentally conjure up during those macaroni jerk off sessions. Instead he has to make do with "omg my twot iz about 2 explode" and "cya bbz, hubby back"
"Attempt to emulate Aerial Telly and get a cauliflower arse, a face full of cum and the kind of shakes that make Judy Finnigan look like Mount Rushmore."
"Vernon Kay brands himself 'stupid"' the headline ran today and you wondered if the chump had actually gone ahead with a branding iron and permanently marked himself with the unpalatable truth everything he says and does already screams. Not so, it transpired and it's probably just as well. You imagine him getting the iron the wrong way round and ending up with diputs permanently embedded in his forehead. And although those death rumours were wide of the mark , if he gets caught out like this again, he may be wishing he was dead.
It is a stark cautionary tale. "People" should know by now not to play with those club skanks and not attempt to emulate Aerial Telly. You only get a cauliflower arse, a face full of cum, post-traumatic stress disorder and the kind of shakes that make Judy Finnigan look like Mount Rushmore.
1 Well, certainly not by any one with what passes for a brain like his.
Imagined: Wednesday, February 10, 2010
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REVIEWS (cont'd)
J-M
Jericho
John From Cincinnati
Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem
Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history
Journeyman
jPod
Keys To The Vip
The Kill Point
Kings
King Of Shaves advert
Life
The Life and Times of Tim
Life on Mars
Lip Service
Live From Studio Five
Louie
Louis Theroux - The City Addicted to Crystal Meth
Loose Women
Lost
Lost Season 2
Lost Season 3 Finale
Lost Season 3: half-term report
Lost Season 3 Premiere
Lost Season 4 Half Term report
Lost Season 6 Premiere
Lost Season 6x09 - Ab Aeterno
Lost Series Finale
Luther
Luther Series One finale
Mad Men
Mad Men Season 2
Mad Men Season 2 Finale
Mad Men Season 3 Premiere
Mad Men Season 3 Finale
Mad Men Season 4
The Madness of Boy George
Mars Believe World Cup Campaign
Man vs Wild
Martina Cole's The Take
Mary Archer
The Mentalist
Mercy Series Premiere
Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs
Misfits
The Mitchell Brothers' Return
Mock the Week
Modern Family
Mongrels
Monkey Dust
Morales v Barrera III
My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding
My Family
My Name Is Earl
My Penis And I
My Supermodel Baby
N-R
Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts
Nigella
Neighbours 20th anniversary show
No Angels
No Heroics
Old Enough To Be His Mother
Oscars 2005
Only Yesterday - The Carpenters' Story
Pacific
Paradox
Party Animals
Party Down
The Persuasionists
Peaches Geldof: Teen America
Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares
The Peter Serafinowicz Show
PhoneShop
The Pick-up Artist
The Pickup Artist Season 2 Premiere
Pineapple Dance Studios
Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Prison Break
Prison Break 2
Prison Break Season Two: half-term report
Prison Break Season Two Premiere
Prison Break Season Two Finale
Prison Break Season 4 Half Term Report
Pulling
Pulse
Pushing Daisies series premiere...
Richard and Judy
Rev
Rome Season One
S-T
Saxondale
The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive
The Secret Policemen's Ball
Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter
Sex Addict
Seymour Butts
Shameless
Shameless Season 4
Shane
Sherlock
Sherlock series 1 finale: The Great Game
The Shield
The Shield - Season Five Finale
The Shield - Season 6
The Shield series finale
Six Feet Under
Skins
Skins Season 2
Smoking Room
Sons of Anarchy
Sons of Anarchy Season 2 Premiere
The Sopranos Season 6
Space Cadets
Spartacus: Blood and Sand
Spartacus: Blood and Sand Season One Finale
The Spy Who Stole My Life
State of the TV Nation Address
Stepkids In Love
Strike Back
Studs of Suburbia
Summer Heights High
Supernanny
Surviving Disaster
Take That... for the Record
Talk to me
Take Me Out
Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer
Terminator - The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Thick Of It
The Thick of It Series 3
This Life +10
This World: Kidnap Cops
Top 30 TV Shows of 2010
Tower Block of Commons
Treme
True Stories - The Trials Of Amanda Knox
Too Ugly For Love
True Blood
True Blood Season 2 Final
TV's Naughtiest Blunders
U-Z
Unanimous
Underbelly
Undercover Princesses
Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report
Veronica Mars Season Two
Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere
Veronica Mars Season Three finale
A Very Social Secretary
Vexed
Weeds
Weeds Season 3
Weeds Season 4
Weeds Season 5 Finale
Weeds Season 5 Premiere
When Fearne Met Peaches
When Lineker Met Maradona
Wimbledon coverage
The Wire Season 3
The Wire, Season 4
The Wire Season 5 Premiere
The Wire Series Finale
World Cup coverage
World Cup Final 2010
The World Cup has been kidnapped and molested
World's Deadliest Gangs
Worried About the Boy
X Factor 2005
X-Factor 2007
X-Factor 2008
X-Factor 2009
MISC REVIEWS
40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying
606 with Danny Baker
Amazon Review Scum
Blowjob monologues and the like
Everything is retro, funky and kitsch on eBay nowadays
Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir
An Illustrated History of Dis
Fooled By Randomness
Hip-hop
Indie kids - munching on cock all day, every day, from now until forever
Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite
Love skunk Vernon Kay sprays his rat jism
Morales v Barrera III
Music Sounds Better With You(tube)
NME cool list
Playlouder Reviews
Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke
Stan Collymore
The Streets
Vertigolf
War Winehouse!
We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite
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