aerial telly: the tv panopticonYou 'people' make me sick

Over 300 Reviews. Including: The Apprentice, Veronica Mars, Prison Break, Deadwood, Damages, 30 Rock, 24, Heroes and Lost. Updated Wednesdays and Fridays. You "people" make me sick.

"a depressing but brilliant read.... a superbly written manifesto for nothing." Daniel Hart

INFO

Home

About Aerial Telly

Aerial Telly in The Guardian

Love List

The noble truths of Aerial Telly

Turn-off TV Week

Review Index

Mailbag

 

TV REVIEWS

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

24 Season 5 finale

24: Season 6

30 Rock

Abi Titmuss

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

Aerial Telly Awards 2006

Aerial Telly Awards 2007

Aerial Telly search queries

Aerial Telly search queries 2

Aerial Telly search queries 3

Aerial Comment

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Apprentice Season 4

The Apprentice Series 4 Finale

The Armstrongs

Ashes to Ashes

Balderdash And Piffle

Battered Men: Hidden Lives

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Battlestar Galactica Season 4

Battlestar Galactica Season 4 mid-season finale

Beauty And The Geek

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother 2008

Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it, bitch

Big Brother 2008 - Mario must die

Big Brother 2008: Stuart tapped the compassion vending machine and it toppled over and fell on top of him

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother got no gas, Sienna Miller got no ass, Mark Ronson got no class

Big Brother poetry

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

Bonekickers

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Breaking Bad

Bremner, Bird and Fortune

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Buffy the Career Slayer?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Californication

Carnivale

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television review 2006

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Criminal Justice

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

Damages

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two...

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Dragons Den

Drive

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Escape to the Legion

Euro 2008 TV coverage

Everybody Hates Chris

Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles

Extras

Extras Christmas special

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Going Cold Turkey

Guys And Dolls

Heather Mills: what really happened

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

House

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

In This Corner

The Inbetweeners

Inside Waco

It's Me Or The Dog

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert

Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Journeyman

jPod

Keys To The Vip

Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together

The Kill Point

King Of Shaves advert

Life on Mars

Life

Loose Women

Lost

Lost Season 2

Lost Season Three Finale

Lost Season 3: half-term report

Lost Season 3 Premiere

Lost Season Four Half Term report

Mad Men

The Madness of Boy George

Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Mary Archer

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Party Animals

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

The Pick-up Artist

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Pulling


The Guardian

Aerial Telly in The Guardian

 

 

24 - a hit drama with too much hitting

24 is still the crystal meth of TV shows

50 Greatest Tv Dramas

Advertisers continue to insult our intelligence

All hail!

American Idol: the 10 most hysterical moments

American version of Shameless might just work

Anti-TV lobby get served

The Apprentice: It's good to be fired ... with enthusiasm

Bad sex on celluloid

Big Brother final 2007 review

Big Brother 8: thanks for the memories...

Boris on YouTube: Have we got views for you

Bringing back Carla Lane is a mistake

Can Britney do a Whitney?

Can four years without a toilet be called art?

Charlotte Church is a role model for us all

Christianity should give Judas and Pilate a break

Cinematic landmark - blot on the landscape?

Criminal Justice isn't whiter than white

Could Brian Belo be the first black winner of Big Brother?

David Attenborough: a fine specimen

David Gest - the perfect X Factor judge

Demo tapes: why pop stars should stay out of politics

Democrats want to reclaim country and western

Does your postcode dictate your musical taste?

Elton's no laughing matter

Emmy Awards wildcard: Breaking Bad

Entourage: feel-good TV rarely feels this good

Father Ted's fantasy island still floats my boat

Find true love. Go on reality TV

From Papillon to Prison Break: the greatest escapes

Funny phone calls are no laughing matter

Get ready for Rhydian

Guerilla marketeers

Hard Sell: Ariel Turn to 30 campaign

Hard Sell: Orange mobile

The Hard Sell - Dr Oetker

Hard Sell: Domino's Meateor Pizza

Hard Sell: Iceland

The Hard Sell: Knockoff Nigel

The Hard Sell: The sexing-up of tea

Hard Sell: Weetabix

Hard Sell - Unforgivable

Have you been Lost?

Headcases is awful

Help! Our soaps are a swill of depravity!

Help me save Veronica Mars

Hey, musicians, leave that film alone!

Hip-hop in Hollywood rocks

How do you play Margaret Thatcher?

Is Graham Linehan right to slate BBC3 comedy?

Is Jonathan Ross's lewd wit justified?

Is Lost television's Apocalypse Now...?

Is the Jeremy Kyle show just human bear-baiting?

Is Steven Seagal under siege?

Is there life after Life on Mars?

Is Blair planning an invasion of the daytime TV schedules?

Lesbian kisses: an easy fallback for tired shows...

List your favourite Steve Coogan moments

List your top of the prophetic pops

The lost Crossroads episode is a rare find

Michael C Hall interview

Morris's satirical extremism is just what we need

More show than business, but the Badger is back

Movie mutts take the biscuit

My 10-point plan to save Big Brother

My Family is stuck in a rut

My office! Now!: James Donaghy's guide to compellingly bad bosses

My name is L Ron Hubbard

Natascha Kampusch: the captive who became a chatshow host

New York, New York - Steve Coogan's a wonderful clown...

Nominate your worst film for the Razzies

Pam and Tommy: rock's greatest romance

Press Gang: a programme worth reviving

Put Dee in Deayton's chair

Rage against the machine, Illuminati, lizards, etc

Ramsay v Fearnley-Whittingstall: The battle for cookery's soul

Reality TV betting

Rock stars should hit back, not whine about their feelings

Russell Brand's joke call shows catastrophically poor judgment

Screen Burn: The Shield and Deadwood

Sharon's exit factor

Should Hell's Kitchen have canned Jim Davidson?

Solid as a Rock: Chris is a comedy god

Sting isn't the only rock star with dodgy lyrics..

Television Without Pithy?

The big fight on the box

The gong show...

The KFC Hitmaker: Knowing Foul Cynicism

The most embarrassing chat show moments ever...

The ruin of many a poor boy

There's no 'Prince Far I' in team

Tony Holland 1940-2007

Too much Brian May will kill you

TV so good it changes the world

US Life on Mars a failure before it begins

What's worse than Britney at the MTV awards?

What Grange Hill taught me about life

When celebrity love goes wrong

When children's TV meets politics

When magic tricks misfire

When television plays politics

Which kids' TV shows need reviving?

Which TV commercials would you update?

Why you need to watch Weeds

Will Big Brother listen to Bobby Brown's gay rant?

You've been framed

Your alternative top TV moments...

Your life in lyrics

Contact Aerial Telly

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

10 reasons why you're scum if you smoke

2007: your relationshit is going nowhere

2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.

50 ways to grieve your lover

Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies

Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but....

Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly - sensitive, damaged, wounded yet lionhearted when it comes to the crunch

Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann

Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt

Apology for slavery

The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt

Gerald McClellan - dog murdering bastard who felt God's fury

Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it

Give me any backchat and I'll circumcise your face with a knife dipped in shit

God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince

Got the time, bruv?

Greta Scacchi, insane cock-crazed beauty who boned her cousin

Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly

Happy Christmas cock smokers

Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.

It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks

Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.

Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man

Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...

The Mamas and the Papas rocked

Mea culpa - you a cunta

"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"

Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them

Never forgive, never forget, never for fun

Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents

No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests

OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor", I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch

She came again today

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

So, you finally cooked for her - is there anything in life that you can't fuck up?

So, you're on holiday with your girl

So, you finally settled for what you knew you could hang on to

Stop your nonsense, ladies...Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight

Sympathy For The Devil

Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?

You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him

Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING

200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice

Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser

Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock

Aerial Telly's refusal to take inferior prices on Miguel Cotto means he wins AGAIN

Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory

Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch

Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here.

The beast Miguel Cotto is going to buttfuck Antonio Margarito, piss in his face, then stomp him to death in front of a horrified bipartisan crowd as Margarito's wife weeps bitter tears before swearing revenge against the savage Puerto Rican and all his countrymen.

Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance

Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?

Cotto v Margarito - Aerial Telly's boundless compassion means he can't get a wedge on at the correct price

Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler

Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, has killed more Mexicans than the maquiladoras

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls, is the greatest fighter that ever lived

O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got

OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century

Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57

Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly

Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is

You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62

 

TV REVIEWS (cont'd)

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rome Season One

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

Six Feet Under

Skins

Skins Season 2

Smoking Room

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Studs of Suburbia

Summer Heights High

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

The Thick Of It

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Too Ugly For Love

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

Unanimous

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire Season 3

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

The Wire Series Finale

World Cup coverage

World's Deadliest Gangs

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

Zoo Magazine adverts

 

FILM REVIEWS

28 Weeks Later

2 Days In Paris

American Gangster

Apocalypto

Atonement

The Bank Job

The Bourne Ultimatum

Control

Dawn Of The Dead

The Departed

The Descent

Fahrenheit 9/11

Hard Candy

Ils (Them)

In Bruges

Juno

Lars and the Real Girl

Lust, Caution

Notes On A Scandal

Once

Open Water

Pan's Labyrinth

Rocky Balboa

Saw

Super Size Me

United 93

When the Levees Broke

Zodiac

 

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

Amazon Review Scum

Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never

Blowjob monologues and the like

Ellen MacArthur

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Indie kids - munching on cock all day, every day, from now until forever

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Paralympics

Playlouder Reviews

Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

War Winehouse!

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite