In case you're wondering, yes this contains spoilers up the ass but only for the first episode. It's not in my nature to give spoiler warnings. I take pleasure in taking candy from the mouths of children, letting trusting allies down and in having dominant specularity. But some things deserve respect and The Sopranos season premiere is one of them.

"Maybe they had bigger things on their mind (like Ginny Sacks' ass)."

We left season five with Tony narrowly avoiding annihilation by New York by plugging his cousin Steve Buscemi and then narrowly avoiding capture by the Feds by doing the 400 yard dash through the snow at Johnny Sacks' place. You worry about New York's finest when they can't even catch a depressed 280 lb mob boss as he waddles to freedom. Maybe they had bigger things on their mind (like Ginny Sacks' ass).

"'Guys, I see Meadow in her underwear, not speaking at all and wriggling her pelvis'. Don't we all?"

The season kicks off in typically oblique fashion with a montage of the current state of play. Only gay in the village Vito has lost a blubbersack of weight. Janet is breastfeeding a child she has had with Bobby Bacala, the unfortunate spawn sucking on her tit next to the Rolling Stones lips tattoo (yuk). Meadow appears in her bra and pants dancing sexy for her boyfriend. In a welcome turn of events, she does not speak - just works it like a ho. You wonder how many caffeine fuelled storyliner meets it took to come up with that winning combination? "Guys, I see Meadow in her underwear, not speaking at all and wriggling her pelvis". Don't we all? They need put that girl on a pole at The Bing and be done with it. Baby knows how to work it.

Carmela and Adrianna discuss the house Carmela and her father are building. Ade's not dead at all! After all, we never saw her murder on-screen. Huzzah! But alas, it's ALL JUST A DREAM of Carmela's. You didn't think we were going to get five minutes into a Sopranos season without a misleading yet strangely prophetic dream sequence? Doofus.

"You didn't think we were going to get five minutes into a Sopranos season without a misleading yet strangely prophetic dream sequence? Doofus. ."

With Johnny Sacks in prison, Phil Leotardo is the acting King of New York. On Johnny's request he's making nice with New Jersey, a pleasant surprise for Tony and company. But there's a simmering resentment over his brother's murder that surely must come to the surface. New York has always regarded the New Jersey family as merely a glorified crew and Phil Leotardo isn't the guy to change that perception.

After screwing things up royally with Adrianna last season The Feds still have two informants inside Tony's crew. By the end of the first episode they are both dead. Ray through some kind of heart attack ("it's a shaaaaame about Ray") and Gene from an amateurish attempt at hanging which led to a slow uncomfortable strangulation scene as he struggled to free himself. His eventual success was indicated by his limp body and a steady stream of urine from his trouser leg. Nice.

" It goes to show you money doesn't make you happy and if you want to snap your neck a slipknot is your best bet."

Gene took his life because he had an incredibly annoying wife (it's just possible Tony's refusal to allow him to retire to Florida after Gene's $2 million inheritance may have had a bearing on his state of mind also). It goes to show you money doesn't make you happy and that if you want to snap your neck a slipknot is your best bet. There's lots of helpful advice on the Internet - I do wish people would avail themselves of it.

Junior is a bigger wack job than ever - he has Tony on a treasure hunt in his garden for $40,000 from a heist way back in the day. Uncle Jun's neighbour watches suspiciously as Tony gets busy with the spade. "It's moles" he tells her presumably not referring to the 95lb one on Ginny Sacks' ass

"As he's cooking pasta Jun comes down the stairs and shoots him in the belly. Shit, even my pasta's not that bad."

Tony later has to pop over to soothe the nerves of the agitated Uncle Junior at night. As he's cooking pasta Jun comes down the stairs and shoots him in the belly. Shit, even my pasta's not that bad.

It seems Crazy Jun believes Tony is his long-dead enemy, Pussy Malanga. I guess fat Italian murderers all look the same after a while. As blood squirts from his gut, Tony crawls across the floor to the phone only to yank it out of the socket. Nice going, fatty.

He has no option but to call for his bonkers uncle to ring 911 but Junior is hiding in the closet upstairs waiting for Pussy (there's a sentence you didn't think you'd be hearing in a hurry). Tony slithers his way to the kitchen phone, manages to dial 911 but slips into unconsciousness before he can talk.

"The Sopranos looks like maintaining its multi-layered, deeply textured, pristine drama into what's likely to be its final season."

Whoa. No understated season opener this.

The Sopranos looks like maintaining its multi-layered, deeply textured, pristine drama into what's likely to be its final season. Few things work so well on so many levels - as mob drama, soap opera, psychoanalytical fable and comic tragedy. Characters are drawn so acutely they've burned themselves into our collective understanding of the Mafia whether it's Paulie Walnuts, Christufah or Tony himself.

The fat crook from New Jersey with mother issues has been a memorable character. David Chase and co have never glamorised organised scrotedom or let us forget how repulsive Tony is - a murderer, a thug, a racist and a hypocrite with it. That they can make him sympathetic says a lot about their skill as storytellers and how rich and complex a character they created.

Six seasons feels about right. With every episode being so dense and requiring several viewings to absorb the subtext, the subtleties and obscure parallels it seems certain to be pored over by casual viewer and media studies filth alike. In the meantime - let the mayhem unravel nice and slow. It's how we like it.

The best thing about it: Silent Meadow in her underwear. Yeah, I know.

The worst thing about it: Idiot AJ still an idiot.

he verdict on The Sopranos Season 6 : It's the Stugots.

Marks out of 10: 8.5

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