Aerial Telly makes no secret of his contempt for his audience. You "people" make me sick. As the traffic continues to grow, so does your stupidity. Ungovernable, feral, marginalised, dispossessed filth that you are, it's no surprise that you look up to me. I picture you all in a cesspool, egg hatched from the spawn of some horrendous insect creature who immediately flew off to bury her face in horseshit rather than spend any time with you. In my mind's eye, you squirm and breed like bacteria, hoping for the day I come along and stir you with a big stick.

"I picture you all in a cesspool, egg hatched from the spawn of some horrendous insect creature who immediately flew off to bury her face in horseshit rather than spend any time with you."

Well, you can get that fucking notion right out of what passes for your mind this instant. I can't stop you coming here but I can make your life as uncomfortable as possible while you are here. I consider every article posted up here literary flypaper for your arthropod asses. Even thinking about you now is making me queasy. How you can live like you do is beyond me. But Aerial Telly doesn't make judgments. He leaves that to Channel 4.

But what is interesting is how you vermin found such an elevated site as this. Were you there one day surfing for donkey porn and accidentally typed Daniela Denby-Ashe or the like? Well, that's why God invented website logs. I spend some time looking through the site logs seeing how my adoring public find me - it's very revealing

Caroline is thrilled to have her name associated with Aerial Telly - certainly more thrilled than she is to be associated with her backstreet abortion of a band."

Caroline Corr has sold over 50 million albums and is probably one of the most successful musicians on the planet, yet if you type in her name to the MSN UK search engine the first result you get at the time of writing is not a page about her many achievements, paparazzi shots or photos of her head superimposed onto a naked girl's body. No, it's a page featuring Aerial Telly drinking her piss. I have it on good authority that despite the misunderstanding at the time, Caroline is thrilled to have her name associated with Aerial Telly - certainly more thrilled than she is to be associated with her backstreet abortion of a band.

Some of you happen upon the site searching for fuckpig - I've told you; you won't find your mother that way. Let it go. Similarly, I was recently found by the phrase fuck her like a dog which raises all kinds of interesting possibilities. Slightly more alarmingly, having no genitals has cropped up more than once.

"I do wonder if some of you are just typing in all the rude phrases you can think of and hoping for the best."

I do wonder if some of you are just typing in all the rude phrases you can think of and hoping for the best. But it's the specific nature of some of the searches that leads me to think otherwise. Nail scrotum for example. Exactly what were you hoping to find? A documentary on scrotum abuse on the Discovery Channel?

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you're all scum and I hate you. But if there's some way I can alleviate the fundamental pointlessness of your lives, then I won't do it. You "people" need to know your place and your place is not e-mailing me your illiterate drivel or hanging around search engines researching your freaky perversions. Your place is in finding the quickest way off this mortal coil in the hope that next time you are incarnated as sentient beings.

Hope comes no more forlorn, but face it - it's all you deserve.

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