Spend any significant amount of time around an addict and you'll realise they are nause made flesh. Lying, self pitying shitheels every one of them. Breaking Bad has already shown us how crystal meth decimates lives and now documentary making’s Mr Bean Louis Theroux is in Fresno, California on the trail of the world's most abused hard drug. Louis Theroux - The City Addicted to Crystal Meth isn't exactly like Weird Weekends in that there are not many laughs to be had. Chuckles are thin on the ground when you're chasing this particular dragon.

"He interviews the meth heads and uncovers some startling facts. Some of them are young; to a man, they like to get high; some have children; often, their behaviour is inappropriate and challenging. And I had such hopes for them."

Louis goes on patrol with cops and joins them on their meaningless nightly drug busts of irredeemable drug scrotes. He interviews the meth heads and uncovers some startling facts. Some of them are young; to a man, they like to get high; some have children; often, their behaviour is inappropriate and challenging. And I had such hopes for them.

But it's difficult for Louis to get the vermin to open up while they are being arrested by po-po, so he heads down to a local needle exchange where fuck heads who inject crystal meth rather than smoking it extend their valueless lives by a decade or so by not catching the AIDS off a dirty needle. He politicks with a gentleman called Carl who looks and sounds an awful lot like George W Bush which I found just hugely amusing. Dubya has been on crystal meth for 35 years but insists that even though he slams three or four times a day, he eats, sleeps every day and takes vitamins like a regular person and that while it has "affected his life some", it ain't really all that bad.

"She used to sell between 10 and $20,000 of crystal meth a week.Diane is studying to be a drug counsellor. Who says Americans don't do irony?"

Carl has a wife, Diane, who is in the same line of oblivion seeking. Diane has quite a story. She used to sell between 10 and $20,000 of crystal meth a week - that was on a good week. On a bad week she sucked cock for drugs. Louis wonders how Carl dealt with his wife's prostitution? "He watched the door" says Diane, which I guess is one form of safe sex he's down with. Diane is studying to be a drug counsellor. Who says Americans don't do irony?

In one of his nightly patrols Louis is called (along with his police buddies who, frankly seem like a supporting cast) to an apparent domestic incident where a gentleman called Dennis is threatening his sister with a knife. After preliminary enquiries reveal little, it turns out this cranked up bro and sis have been fucking for the past few years -- something his wife isn't too crazy about. You can judge if you like but it all depends how good-looking your sister is. I mean, what if she looks like Greta Scacchi? For what it's worth, sista did not really look like somebody you'd transgress the last sexual taboo for (though you'd probably finger bang it aged 16 when your parents stayed over at a wedding. Real talk).

"I suppose you could say they were disarmingly honest but that would make you a moral cretin. Many of these mopes have five or six children they have shoved onto the state at the mercy of whichever bully or predatory paedophile happens to be passing because they want to get high"

So what do we make of the modern American meth head? I suppose you could say they were disarmingly honest and the like but that would make you a moral cretin who just wants to be everyone's friend so fuck you and fuck them. Many of these mopes have five or six children they have shoved onto the state at the mercy of whichever bully or predatory paedophile happens to be passing because they want to get high. There is not a trace of conscience there.

When Theroux suggests to Carl that he has chosen the drug over his children he says no, he's shown that he loves them so much by not letting them be around the drug. And that in a nutshell is the mind of the addict. Totally self obsessed toadstompers with no conscience, no alibi and no redeeming features. It's not pretty.

The best thing about it: Brother and sister in love like some Channel 4 documentary.

The worst thing about it: George Dubya Carl.

The verdict on Louis Theroux - The City Addicted to Crystal Meth: Much what you expect.

Marks out of 10: 7

Imagined: Friday, August 14, 2009

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