"September is the cruellest month" is exactly what TS Eliot would have said if TV were more of a thing back then. For it is in September that American TV gives birth to a litter of shows that burst out of its guts like baby spiders bursting out of a mother spider that has just been stamped on by some bastard schoolkid. "Fly, tiny ones" TV squawks "Fly like the wind!" as her barely formed spawn swoop, tailspin and crash onto the airwaves, exposed and humiliated, shocked by the unforgiving cold air. The Fall premieres offer a chance for TV critics to get a taste of what the next year of TV will look like and it's also a commencement of hostilities, an opening of the hunting season. Knives are sharpened, phasers set to snark - cruel nature, cruel cruel nature.

"'Fly, tiny ones' TV squawks 'Fly like the wind!' as her barely formed spawn swoop, tailspin and crash onto the airwaves, exposed and humiliated, shocked by the unforgiving cold air."

So what can we say about the show so far? The Playboy Club is receiving a lot of hate and while it's not the worst show inthe world it is another dreary offering from NBC who are taking even worse shit for their misfiring shitcom Whitney which gained the top two slots in Television without Pity's "worst shows of the Fall" list. It isn't quite as bad as people are making out but when you are the most heavily promoted show of the season and you turn out be a bit of a dog you better brace yourself for the onslaught because, motherfucker, it's coming.

The New Girl, the Zooey Deschanel vehicle those worthless pieces of shit at Fox commissioned is actually pretty good and has been picked up for a full 24 episode season. They want to watch the nause factor as while Bloowey is charming and pie, push the twee too far and everything goes to poop.

"Terra Blowva proves once again that Stephen Spielberg knows nothing about TV and that he is a dinosaur - a dinosaur fixated on dinosaurs."

And on the subject of going to poop I don't need to have watched Prime Suspect or Charlie's Angels to know that they're as futile as following Sarah Michelle Gellar's post-Buffy career (yep, Ringpiece blows as well). Simply watching the trailer for Grime Puspect lets you know that no good will come of it.

Nor will any good come of Terra Nova, Fox's stupidly expensive and stupidly stupid time travel dinosaur folly. With a writing ethic that makes ABC Family look edgy it's a predictable, dumbed down, schmaltzy nause fest and proves once again that Stephen Spielberg knows nothing about TV (although the Executive Producer title can mean precisely nothing, his fingerprints are all over this) and that he is a dinosaur - a dinosaur fixated on dinosaurs. Terra Nova is a costly waste of everyone's time.

In other news, Unforgettable is very forgettable and I suspect Pan Am will be a little bit better than everyone thinks.

Peace to the fam. Ghost.

Imagined: Thursday, 29 September 2011

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