Aerial Telly is a big guy. He's big enough to know when he's made a "mistake". Yes, he gets things "wrong". He's only human. And he's man enough to apologise when he has slipped up. He recently said a lot of hurtful things about misunderstood party girl and Big Brother contestant Emily Parr, among them that it would be about two months before Emily appeared in Nuts magazine showing her arse. This turned out to be pretty far wide of the mark. It took her two weeks. Aerial Telly would like to say he is deeply sorry for having underestimated Ms Parr's strike-while-the-iron-is-hot mercenary streak and would like to simultaneously applaud her publicity people for showing a hell of a lot of class for not letting that racial abuse business get in the way of a quick cash-in. After all, if we ever worried about the racial politics of our masturbatory fantasies then Mussolini's mistress Clara Petacci would not have been a pin-up for so many Allied troops. I particularly like that one where she's hanging upside-down from the rafters like a fucking bat

"Aerial Telly would like to applaud her publicity people for showing a hell of a lot of class for not letting that racial abuse business get in the way of a quick cash-in."

Furthermore, disturbing news reaches Aerial Telly of the split of his favourite TV couple Samuel Presturd and Chanturd Houghton. As pointed out previously, Presturd treated his wife like a handicapped child because he knew she was an imbecile mongoloid fuck, a girl woman wandering around the world never understanding the first thing about it. When he threw his tiny man hissy fit on Never Mind The Buzzcocks what he was actually saying was "you can't say that about a little handicapped!". And he's right. His soon-to-be ex wife is a little handicapped. Handicapped by an overbearing patronising cunt of a husband. While he expressly said he wasn't going to patronise her in his puke fest I Luv U that's exactly what the boy dwarf did.

"Preston is right. His soon-to-be ex wife is a little handicapped. Handicapped by an overbearing patronising cunt of a husband."

They really were a horrible pair of bastards. Willing to whore out their wedding day for money and publicity yet furious at the attendant poking and prying into their laughable relationship that inevitably followed. The Ordinary Boys always were a useless fucking band, Presturd always was a ludicrous middle-class boy trying to ape working-class culture and the Half Man Half Biscuit song "Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo" could have been written about him (if it wasn't written about Pete Doherty).

"They really were a horrible pair of bastards. Willing to whore out their wedding day for money and publicity yet furious at the attendant poking and prying into their laughable relationship that inevitably followed."

And what's all this shit about “we put so much pressure on one another to make it work that it destroyed our relationship. No one else is involved.”. Yeah, we wanted it to work so badly that it didn't. Or, alternatively, it was a joke relationship characterised by misplaced chivalry which as we know is typically poorly disguised murderous hatred and a desire for revenge.

But despite all of this, Aerial Telly wishes these two kids well for the future.¹

¹Like fuck he does.

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