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7 Days on the Breadline
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Aerial Telly Awards 2005
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Aerial Comment
"Ah fuck it - the cunt bit me" - a Steve Irwin tribute
Alive: Back To The Andes
Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show
Anti-Social Old Buggers
The Apprentice
The Apprentice Series Three Final
The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report
The Apprentice Season 4
The Apprentice Series 4 Finale
The Armstrongs
Arrested Development
Ashes to Ashes
Battlestar Galactica Season 3
Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale
Battlestar Galactica Season 4
Battlestar Galactica Season 4 mid-season finale
Battlestar Galactica Series finale
Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion
Battlestar Galactica - The Plan
Beauty And The Geek
Being Human
Being... N-Dubz
Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave
Bernard Matthews Golden Moments
Big Brother 2005
Big Brother 2006 Launch Night
Big Brother 2007
Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out
Big Brother 2008
Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it
Big Brother 2008 - Mario must die
Big Brother 2008: Stuart tapped the compassion vending machine and it toppled over and fell on top of him
Big Brother 2010 final
Big Brother's Big Mouth
Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism
Big Brother got no gas, Sienna Miller got no ass, Mark Ronson got no class
Big Brother poetry
Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism
Bionic Woman pre-air pilot
Bo! in the USA
Bodies
Bodies series finale
Body Shock: Half Ton Man
Bollocks To Cancer
Bonekickers
The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence
Breaking Bad
Breaking Bad Season 2 finale
Breaking Bad Season 3
Bring Back...Grange Hill
Britain's Got Talent Series 4
Britney and Kevin: Chaotic
Bruce Forsyth - A Comedy Roast
Bully Beatdown
C-D
Californication
Carnivale
Caprica pilot
Castrating Galactica - why Faceman needs to can it
Catherine Tate Christmas Special
CBeebies website
Celebrity Big Brother
Celebrity Big Brother 2006
Celebrity Big Brother 2007
Celebrity Big Brother 2009
Celebrity Big Brother 2010 first eviction
Celebrity Big Brother 2010: Vinnie Jones can drink mare's piss
Celebrity Fit Club
Celebrity Love Island
The Charlotte Church Show
China
Christmas television 2006
Christmas TV 2009 - what not to watc
Clever v Stupid
Come Dine With Me
Comic Relief Does The Apprentice
Coming Of Age
Community
Compulsion
The Contender
The Contender Season Two
Criminal Justice
Criminal Justice Season Two
The Cube
Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic
Cutting Edge: Pram Face
Damages
The Dark Side Of Porn
The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn
Dead Ringers
Deadwood
Deadwood - a lament
Deadwood Season 3
Derren Brown: The Heist
Derren Brown Investigates
Derren Brown's Russian Roulette
Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat
Dexter Season One
Dexter Season Two
Dexter Season 4 Finale
Dexter Season 4 Premiere
Dispatches: The Big Heist
Doctor Who
Doctor Who Series 5 Premiere
Doctor Who Series 5 - Vincent and The Doctor
Dragons Den
Drive
E-I
EastEnders
Election 2005 coverage
Emily Parr - an apology
Entourage Season 5 Premiere
Escape to the Legion
Euro 2008 TV coverage
Everybody Hates Chris
Extras
Extras Christmas special
The Family
Fat Beauty Contest
Feel The Force
Firefly - The Complete Series
Fix My Fat Head
FlashForward
FlashForward midseason report
Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir
Fonejacker
Friday Night Project
Generation Kill
Getting On
Glee
Going Cold Turkey
Gravity
Guys And Dolls
Hannah Bradbeer - wide forehead having X Factor goddess
Hard Sell: BT
Harper's Island
Heather Mills: what really happened
Heroes
Heroes Season One Finale
Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed
Home Time
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How Not To Live Your Life
HSBC adverts
I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25
I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here
I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006
I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2008
I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here 2009
In This Corner
The Inbetweeners
The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret
Inside Waco |
Bernard Matthews Golden Moments
Advertising campaign
Certain infamies echo throughout history - 9/11, the My Lai massacre, Javine not getting into Girls Aloud. And as we approach 21 years of the turkey holocaust the humans call Bernard Matthews Golden Drummers, everyone is remembering in their own way. Turkeys are marking the anniversary with candlelit vigils and a two-minute silence. But Bernard Matthews is not one for introspection and self-doubt. Even as Jamie Oliver declares holy war on the twizzler and the pie that is pork, Bernard is celebrating the Drummers' coming-of-age by inviting us to share our own 'golden moments'; (little Johnny's first day at school type memories) in the hope of forging a Pavlovian association between Golden Drummers and the good times.
"Certain infamies echo throughout history - 9/11, the My Lai massacre, Javine not getting into Girls Aloud."
Coincidentally, I already have a Matthews related golden moment. It was the moment in September when two Bernard Matthews workers were convicted of animal cruelty having been secretly filmed playing baseball using turkeys for balls and herding poles for bats (jumpers for goalposts, anyone?). The video makes for distressing viewing. Particularly as it cuts out right at the crucial moment with the bases loaded and two outs in the bottom of the innings - like the 1952 World Series between the Dodgers and the Yankees. But with turkeys.
"The granite-jawed stoicism that brought us through two world wars and six series of My Family extends also to our diet"
As a survey confirms us as obesity kings of Europe, our appetite for unhealthy processed poultry remains undiminished. The granite-jawed stoicism that brought us through two world wars and six series of My Family extends also to our diet - a stubborn commitment to soldier on even as saturated fats and salt content slowly choke the life out of us. It is such heroic self-loathing that defines us. We worship the holy trinity of the nugget, the twizzler and the drummer.
So come, send your golden moments to Bernard. Let a golden shower of memories rain down on campaign headquarters. You may be a sadistic poultry worker hitting Chicken George for a home run or an animal rights activist wearing a wire, filming the fun. We're all the same with a plate of delicious Golden Drummers in front of us. As Jennifer Lopez said in Gigli: it's turkey time!
Gobble, gobble!
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REVIEWS (cont'd)
J-M
Jericho
John From Cincinnati
Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem
Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history
Journeyman
jPod
Keys To The Vip
The Kill Point
Kings
King Of Shaves advert
Life
The Life and Times of Tim
Life on Mars
Lip Service
Live From Studio Five
Louie
Louis Theroux - The City Addicted to Crystal Meth
Loose Women
Lost
Lost Season 2
Lost Season 3 Finale
Lost Season 3: half-term report
Lost Season 3 Premiere
Lost Season 4 Half Term report
Lost Season 6 Premiere
Lost Season 6x09 - Ab Aeterno
Lost Series Finale
Luther
Luther Series One finale
Mad Men
Mad Men Season 2
Mad Men Season 2 Finale
Mad Men Season 3 Premiere
Mad Men Season 3 Finale
Mad Men Season 4
The Madness of Boy George
Mars Believe World Cup Campaign
Man vs Wild
Martina Cole's The Take
Mary Archer
The Mentalist
Mercy Series Premiere
Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs
Misfits
The Mitchell Brothers' Return
Mock the Week
Modern Family
Mongrels
Monkey Dust
Morales v Barrera III
My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding
My Family
My Name Is Earl
My Penis And I
My Supermodel Baby
N-R
Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts
Nigella
Neighbours 20th anniversary show
No Angels
No Heroics
Old Enough To Be His Mother
Oscars 2005
Only Yesterday - The Carpenters' Story
Pacific
Paradox
Party Animals
Party Down
The Persuasionists
Peaches Geldof: Teen America
Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares
The Peter Serafinowicz Show
PhoneShop
The Pick-up Artist
The Pickup Artist Season 2 Premiere
Pineapple Dance Studios
Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks
Prison Break
Prison Break 2
Prison Break Season Two: half-term report
Prison Break Season Two Premiere
Prison Break Season Two Finale
Prison Break Season 4 Half Term Report
Pulling
Pulse
Pushing Daisies series premiere...
Richard and Judy
Rev
Rome Season One
S-T
Saxondale
The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive
The Secret Policemen's Ball
Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter
Sex Addict
Seymour Butts
Shameless
Shameless Season 4
Shane
Sherlock
Sherlock series 1 finale: The Great Game
The Shield
The Shield - Season Five Finale
The Shield - Season 6
The Shield series finale
Six Feet Under
Skins
Skins Season 2
Smoking Room
Sons of Anarchy
Sons of Anarchy Season 2 Premiere
The Sopranos Season 6
Space Cadets
Spartacus: Blood and Sand
Spartacus: Blood and Sand Season One Finale
The Spy Who Stole My Life
State of the TV Nation Address
Stepkids In Love
Strike Back
Studs of Suburbia
Summer Heights High
Supernanny
Surviving Disaster
Take That... for the Record
Talk to me
Take Me Out
Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer
Terminator - The Sarah Connor Chronicles
The Thick Of It
The Thick of It Series 3
This Life +10
This World: Kidnap Cops
Top 30 TV Shows of 2010
Tower Block of Commons
Treme
True Stories - The Trials Of Amanda Knox
Too Ugly For Love
True Blood
True Blood Season 2 Final
TV's Naughtiest Blunders
U-Z
Unanimous
Underbelly
Undercover Princesses
Veronica Mars
Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report
Veronica Mars Season Two
Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere
Veronica Mars Season Three finale
A Very Social Secretary
Vexed
Weeds
Weeds Season 3
Weeds Season 4
Weeds Season 5 Finale
Weeds Season 5 Premiere
When Fearne Met Peaches
When Lineker Met Maradona
Wimbledon coverage
The Wire Season 3
The Wire, Season 4
The Wire Season 5 Premiere
The Wire Series Finale
World Cup coverage
World Cup Final 2010
The World Cup has been kidnapped and molested
World's Deadliest Gangs
Worried About the Boy
X Factor 2005
X-Factor 2007
X-Factor 2008
X-Factor 2009
MISC REVIEWS
40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying
606 with Danny Baker
Amazon Review Scum
Blowjob monologues and the like
Everything is retro, funky and kitsch on eBay nowadays
Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir
An Illustrated History of Dis
Fooled By Randomness
Hip-hop
Indie kids - munching on cock all day, every day, from now until forever
Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite
Love skunk Vernon Kay sprays his rat jism
Morales v Barrera III
Music Sounds Better With You(tube)
NME cool list
Playlouder Reviews
Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke
Stan Collymore
The Streets
Vertigolf
War Winehouse!
We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite
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