British TV reviews and so much more. I've really just about had it with all you scumbags. Aerial Telly forever - worthless Twitter groupie slime never.
"a depressing but brilliant read.... a superbly written manifesto for nothing." Daniel Hart
A return to RAGE infected Britain couldn't come quickly enough for me. I had a whale of a time with 28 Days Later with its deserted streets, sprinting goons and terrified, huddled survivors. And it's back in the height of the RAGE pandemic that 28 Weeks Later picks up the story. Don (Hamish Macbeth) and his wife Alice (Imogen Poots) are holed up in a cottage in the countryside with a group of survivors living on a prayer and Heinz tinned meals. Being the resourceful super zombies they are, though, The Infected find the hideout and begin hacking the hell out of everyone. As a group of The Infected surround his wife and a young boy Don sees his chance to be a hero - and runs like a girl in the opposite direction. "Oh thanks a bunch, cunt" says the look on his wife's face as Hamish does his best impersonation of Alan Wells, high tailing it out of the door across the field to the waiting speedboat. "I'm out 5000 bitches!! Oh, rest in peace baby - I'll never forget you" says the look on Hamish's face as he speeds away from the scene of his betrayal with the Hawaii Five-O theme tune playing in his mind. What a fucker.
"Don sees his chance to be a hero - and runs like a girl in the opposite direction. "Oh thanks a bunch, cunt" says the look on his wife's face as Hamish does his best impersonation of Alan Wells."
But what a difference 28 weeks makes. After The Infected all die from starvation an American-led Nato force repopulate the devastated island with refugees who fled abroad during the outbreak. Don is now caretaker of District One, a safe zone in the Isle of Dogs in the Docklands area (there wasn't much competition at the interview - just a corpse, a leg stump and Adam Ricketts. If they had had a wider pool of candidates they may have turned up someone better than the modern-day Lion from the Wizard of Oz. )
"Don is now caretaker of District One, (there wasn't much competition at the interview - just a corpse, a leg stump and Adam Ricketts)."
He is reunited with his two children Andy and Tammy and he tells them the sorry tale of how their mother died. "Ah couldnae dae nuthin" the lying bastard lies. His children hug him - they're just glad of their brave soldier of a dad is still alive. And on a forbidden moped trip to the old family home they discover that dead mom is still alive too, all crazed and feral from monster attacks and being abandoned by her coward of a husband. It seems that Alice is some kind of immune and the kids are some kind of pissed at their father. Which you can understand.
"This touching act of forgiveness from a mong brain plunges the UK back into RAGE HELL as although mommy is immune, Daddy isn't and he is quickly ripping his wife apart with his teeth."
Feral mom seems to be more forgiving, kissing daddy dearest in a deeply touching tonguedown. Regrettably though this touching act of forgiveness from a mong brain plunges the UK back into RAGE HELL as although mommy is immune, Daddy isn't and he is quickly coughing blood, making Charley says noises and ripping his wife apart with his teeth. Before you know it, the infection is rampant again and the US army orders the total annihilation of the human populace - infected and clean. Things really couldn't be worse for newly orphaned Andy and Tammy. Zombies on one side, snipers and firebombs on the other, they have to find a way to get the fuck out of Dodge in one piece.
"You really can't have enough post apocalyptic scenarios when they're scripted and filmed with the verve this displays.."
Far from disappointing us, 28 Weeks Later is probably a better film than the original. It fair pelts along and the twin menace of The Infected and the US army never relents. The army are as cold-blooded as the infected are hot-blooded and there's a merciless inevitability to the widescale slaughter that follows. You really can't have enough post apocalyptic scenarios when they're scripted and filmed with the verve this displays. And with the final shot of the film being shaky footage of rampant infected running towards the Eiffel Tower like West Ham fans on a stag weekend with Johnny Frog shouting "sacre bleu!" and "merde!" the proposed third film 28 Months Later will be just as eagerly anticipated in these parts.
The best thing about it: The aerial tracking shot of the opening action is pretty spectacular.
The worst thing about it: Some fairly wack science bits
