Aerial Telly has already spoken on and endorsed the BBC's Criminal Justice drama. But it is in the nature of these things that some people haven't heard so obviously they need to ACKS somebody. And one of these people is the so-called, alleged "chairman" of the "bar" Timothy Dutton QC. Will "they" ever learn? Criminal Justice isn't whiter than white

Got the time, bruv?

Dispatches from the cuntline

The other day, Aerial Telly found himself browsing the aisles of Somerfield in the Birmingham suburb of Moseley. It is not his supermarket of choice. It is merely convenient for him, situated as it is a brief walk from his spectacular bachelor pad. So anyway, he's there, minding his own beeswax, mind on higher things - television, betting, feature articles, the finest of pie - when a young herbert no more than 10 years old addresses him. Aerial Telly has a finely attuned chav filter which reduces such unsolicited greetings to background noise so he had to ask the herbert to repeat himself. "Got the time, bruv?" said the young fool. "Got. The. Time. Bruv?" responded Aerial Telly ""GOT. THE. TIME. BRUV??" Have you lost your fucking mind?" Got the time, bruv?

Steak and kidney porn - Aerial Telly search queries

Yet further Aerial Telly search queries

Authentic searches taken from the site logs

mongoloid porn

train dog to fuck me

amateur mature old women and animals

girlfriend fuck other because i have a tiny cock

how to fuck with a sociopath

fuck.the.sister

bugger wife unfaithful cunt

I don't think that I want any further dealings with you "people"

Is Jonathan Ross's lewd wit justified?

The Guardian

One of the things that makes Aerial Telly such a treasured contact and contributor to editors is his ability to come up with airtight copy at the drop of a fez. Yes, he was busy walking one of his lady friends through Birmingham City Centre to her bus stop when the call came. And yes the thoughts of Gloria Hunniford on Jonathan Ross are of less significance to him than ticket prices for Rory Bremner's next tour. Yet still he came up with 450 words of devastating comment that will surely close the argument once and for all. Is Jonathan Ross's lewd wit justified?

Criminal Justice

BBC1

Justice is absolute. But the law is all about acceptable compromise. Fudges, deals, politics - whatever makes the wheels run smoother. This is one of the key themes of Criminal Justice , BBC's impressive five-part drama. It focuses on Ben Coulter (Ben Whishaw), late teens, a nice enough soppy lad from a nice enough soppy family. You might call him middle-class but, like Amy Winehouse his dad drives a black cab so think upper-working class if that category is important to you. Ben takes his dad's cab for a spin and picks up Melanie, a beautiful 20-year-old played by a very sweet piece of brown sugar encrusted pie called Ruth Negga who Aerial Telly will be following very closely in future. Anyway, he's young, he's drunk, he's got his daddy's T-Bird, he's about to score with a mixed-race princess, what could possibly go wrong? Criminal Justice

Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Could we get any wetter?

Aerial Telly does not get excited about developments in the world of TV. He's BIN knowing about various spoilers, business lunches between TV stars and network executives and shows about to be culled. He knows which child actor is on coke, who's banging the director, who spent all night at the club with a transvestite. He's people that know people. He won't betray confidences because class oozes from every pore of his skinwrap. Suffice to say that he does not wile out about this piece of news or that piece of gossip. And yet and YET, ladies and gentlemen, he is thrilled to his very candy core about the prospect of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, currently in production at the Fox network. Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Euro 2008 TV coverage

BBC ITV

An excellent, thrilling and marvellous Euro 2008 ended last night with the Spaniels the deserved winners, edging out the tenacious Hun in a tense final. Despite England's absence, the networks threw themselves into the TV coverage with all the stupidity and enthusiasm we've come to expect. The BBC had to win back the trust of the nation after having the brass balls to appoint that incandescent shitcake baker and multimillionaire-off-the-backs-of-the-people failure Steve McLaren to summarise on the radio. This showed all the judgement and good taste of Graeme Souness selling his story to The Sun three years after Hillsborough. It is an unholy miracle if that mope ever works in this country again. Euro 2008 TV coverage

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls, is the greatest fighter that ever lived

Punks jump up to get beat down

They say nothing attracts a crowd like a funeral. So when WBC Lightweight Champion David Diaz stepped into the ring at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino in Las Vegas to be beaten to death he got a gracious welcome from the 8000 fight fans in the arena and it was a generous send off to one of the stand-up guys of boxing. But it was the entrance of his murderer, the beast, cold-blooded assassin Manny Pacquiao that really brought the crowd to its feet. Filipino men in the crowd held up "PACMAN MARRY ME" signs which seems unlikely in the staunchly Catholic Philippines (although the archipelago is no stranger to exploration of gender confusion). Aerial Telly doesn't make judgements. He just reports the facts, dammit. Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner

Summer Heights High

BBC3

Ok, this is a strange one. Firstly, it is an Australian import that doesn't suck cock. (Remember The Secret Life of Us? No, neither does anyone else but it was great. That was the last Australian show I liked). Secondly, it's a mockumentary based in an Australian public school (for British readers, who know the only correct use of public school is to describe a school the public can't afford, this means state school) where they portray bullying, racism, homophobia and all the other delights of a comprehensive education. Thirdly, all three main characters are played by the same man, Chris Lilley. Isn't that just asking for trouble? Summer Heights High

Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Calslappy ducks Pavlik in favour of molesting a pensioner

Aerial Telly told you that 1.44 was a terrible price for Joke Calslappy against Borenard Hopkunt and he was proved devastatingly right when Hopkunt eked out a narrow but clear victory. The fact that the so-called "judges" gave it to Calzaghe on a split decision merely demonstrated the corruption endemic in boxing and that Joe is better box office than Borenard (but then, so is Leo Sayer's reunion tour). For his next fight Joe was expected to accept the challenge of Kelly Pavlik, the classy, humble, undefeated middleweight champion from Youngstown, Ohio with fire in his belly and lead in his fists. Excellent. This was a great boxer vs puncher matchup - certain to capture the imagination on both sides of the Atlantic. What do we get instead? Roy Jones fricking Junior. Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Damages

FX

Early season one SPOILERS

Patty Hewes don't play. I mention this early on because there are times when watching Damages when you may think that Patty, played by Glenn Close, has a heart of marshmallow beneath her tough exoskeleton. Trust me, the girl does NOT play. Patty is a high-end criminal damages lawyer, brilliantly gifted and utterly ruthless. Coming up under Patty at her law firm is idealistic rookie Ellen Parsons (Rose Byrne). Rose Byrne looks exactly like Veronidurrrr in Prison Break and for her sake I hope Ellen Parsons has better credentials than the world's thickest lawyer and walking kidnap threat. Damages

The Apprentice: It's good to be fired ... with enthusiasm

The Guardian

What becomes of the broken hearted? Who got fired from a job they never started? According to sundry Sunday newspaper reports they do rather well and Aerial Telly was on hand to discuss The Apprentice and what it means to be a winner. Something he is more than qualified, overqualified, to speak on.The Apprentice: It's good to be fired ... with enthusiasm

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Seeing as you had the nerve to ask

Being a leader of men, a success at everything he does and role model means that Aerial Telly is constantly being asked "questions" by "people". Will Black Pele be making a comeback? ¹ What about TV Quicksand, near-legendary forerunner of Aerial Telly? ² Was Tara O'Mara a real person? ³ Did Aerial Telly hit that? ⁴ Oh so many questions. But perhaps the one he gets asked most of all is who else does he rate as a TV critic? Who is the second best priest in Ireland? A question Aerial Telly is only too happy to answer. Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

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