aerial telly: the tv panopticonYou 'people' make me sick

Over 300 Reviews. Including: The Apprentice, Veronica Mars, Prison Break, Deadwood, My Name Is Earl, 24, Heroes and Lost. Updated Wednesdays and Fridays. You "people" make me sick.

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TV REVIEWS

10 Years Younger

24: Season 4

24: Season 5

24 Season 5 finale

24: Season 6

30 Rock

Abi Titmuss

Aerial Telly Awards 2005

Aerial Telly Awards 2006

Aerial Telly Awards 2007

Aerial Telly search queries

Aerial Telly search queries 2

Aerial Telly search queries 3

Aerial Comment

Alive: Back To The Andes

Amy Winehouse on Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Amy Winehouse on the Charlotte Church show

Anti-Social Old Buggers

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Series Three Final

The Apprentice Series 3 half-term report

The Apprentice Season 4

The Apprentice Series 4 Finale

The Armstrongs

Ashes to Ashes

Balderdash And Piffle

Battered Men: Hidden Lives

Battlestar Galactica Season 3

Battlestar Galactica Season 3 finale

Battlestar Galactica Season 4

Battlestar Galactica Season 4 mid-season finale

Beauty And The Geek

Bernard Manning From Beyond the Grave

Bernard Matthews Golden Moments

Big Brother 2005

Big Brother 2006 Launch Night

Big Brother 2007

Big Brother 2007: Get that chickenhead hoodrat out

Big Brother 2008

Big Brother 2008 - It's a Wonderful Life (when you're not in it, bitch

Big Brother's Big Mouth

Big Brother, Emily Parr and racism

Big Brother, Shilpa Shetty and racism

Bionic Woman pre-air pilot

Bo! in the USA

Bodies

Bodies series finale

Body Shock: Half Ton Man

Bollocks To Cancer

The Boys Who Killed Stephen Lawrence

Breaking Bad

Bremner, Bird and Fortune

Bring Back...Grange Hill

Britney and Kevin: Chaotic

Buffy the Career Slayer?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Californication

Carnivale

Catherine Tate Christmas Special

CBeebies website

Celebrity Big Brother

Celebrity Big Brother 2006

Celebrity Big Brother 2007

Celebrity Fit Club

Celebrity Love Island

The Charlotte Church Show

China

Christmas television review 2006

Comic Relief Does The Apprentice

Compulsion

The Contender

The Contender Season Two

Cutting Edge: My Kid's Psychic

Cutting Edge: Pram Face

The Dark Side Of Porn

The Dark Side Of Porn: Amateur Porn

Dead Ringers

Deadwood

Deadwood - a lament

Deadwood Season 3

Derek Acorah's Ghost Towns

Derren Brown: The Heist

Derren Brown's Russian Roulette

Derren Brown - Trick Or Treat

Dexter Season One

Dexter Season Two...

Dispatches: The Big Heist

Doctor Who

Dragons Den

Drive

EastEnders

Election 2005 coverage

Emily Parr - an apology

Escape to the Legion

Everybody Hates Chris

Extraordinary People - The Girl Who Makes Miracles

Extras

Extras Christmas special

Fat Beauty Contest

Feel The Force

Firefly - The Complete Series

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

Fonejacker

Friday Night Project

Going Cold Turkey

Guys And Dolls

Heather Mills: what really happened

Heroes

Heroes Season One Finale

Hidden Lives - Three In A Bed

House

HSBC adverts

I'm All Shook Up: Parkinson's at 25

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, 2006

In This Corner

The Inbetweeners

Inside Waco

It's Me Or The Dog

Jericho

John From Cincinnati

Jordan and Peter: Marriage And Mayhem

Joss Stone Cadbury's Flake advert

Journeyman

jPod

Keys To The Vip

Keys To The Vip update - Aerial Telly bringing "people" together

The Kill Point

King Of Shaves advert

Life on Mars

Life

Loose Women

Lost

Lost Season 2

Lost Season Three Finale

Lost Season 3: half-term report

Lost Season 3 Premiere

Lost Season Four Half Term report

Mad Men

The Madness of Boy George

Mars Believe World Cup Campaign

Man vs Wild

Mary Archer

Michael Carroll: King Of Chavs

The Mitchell Brothers' Return

Monkey Dust

Morales v Barrera III

My Family

My Name Is Earl

My Penis And I

Nibble Nobby's Nuts adverts

Nigella

Neighbours 20th anniversary show

No Angels

Old Enough To Be His Mother

Oscars 2005

Party Animals

Peaches Geldof: Teen America

Pete Burns' Cosmetic Surgery Nightmares

The Peter Serafinowicz Show

The Pick-up Artist

Preston's Walk Out on Never Mind The Buzzcocks

Prison Break

Prison Break 2

Prison Break Season Two: half-term report

Prison Break Season Two Premiere

Prison Break Season Two Finale

Pulling



Criminal Justice isn't whiter than white

Criminal Justice isn't whiter than white

The Guardian

Aerial Telly has already spoken on and endorsed the BBC's Criminal Justice drama. But it is in the nature of these things that some people haven't heard so obviously they need to ACKS somebody. And one of these people is the so-called, alleged "chairman" of the "bar" Timothy Dutton QC. Will "they" ever learn? Criminal Justice isn't whiter than white


Got the time, bruv?

Got the time, bruv?

Dispatches from the cuntline

The other day, Aerial Telly found himself browsing the aisles of Somerfield in the Birmingham suburb of Moseley. It is not his supermarket of choice. It is merely convenient for him, situated as it is a brief walk from his spectacular bachelor pad. So anyway, he's there, minding his own beeswax, mind on higher things - television, betting, feature articles, the finest of pie - when a young herbert no more than 10 years old addresses him. Aerial Telly has a finely attuned chav filter which reduces such unsolicited greetings to background noise so he had to ask the herbert to repeat himself. "Got the time, bruv?" said the young fool. "Got. The. Time. Bruv?" responded Aerial Telly ""GOT. THE. TIME. BRUV??" Have you lost your fucking mind?" Got the time, bruv?


Steak and kidney porn - Aerial Telly search queries

Yet further Aerial Telly search queries

Authentic searches taken from the site logs


mongoloid porn

train dog to fuck me

amateur mature old women and animals

girlfriend fuck other because i have a tiny cock

how to fuck with a sociopath

fuck.the.sister

bugger wife unfaithful cunt

 

I don't think that I want any further dealings with you "people"


Is Jonathan Ross's lewd wit justified?

Is Jonathan Ross's lewd wit justified?

The Guardian

One of the things that makes Aerial Telly such a treasured contact and contributor to editors is his ability to come up with airtight copy at the drop of a fez. Yes, he was busy walking one of his lady friends through Birmingham City Centre to her bus stop when the call came. And yes the thoughts of Gloria Hunniford on Jonathan Ross are of less significance to him than ticket prices for Rory Bremner's next tour. Yet still he came up with 450 words of devastating comment that will surely close the argument once and for all. Is Jonathan Ross's lewd wit justified?


Criminal Justice

Criminal Justice

BBC1

Justice is absolute. But the law is all about acceptable compromise. Fudges, deals, politics - whatever makes the wheels run smoother. This is one of the key themes of Criminal Justice , BBC's impressive five-part drama. It focuses on Ben Coulter (Ben Whishaw), late teens, a nice enough soppy lad from a nice enough soppy family. You might call him middle-class but, like Amy Winehouse his dad drives a black cab so think upper-working class if that category is important to you. Ben takes his dad's cab for a spin and picks up Melanie, a beautiful 20-year-old played by a very sweet piece of brown sugar encrusted pie called Ruth Negga who Aerial Telly will be following very closely in future. Anyway, he's young, he's drunk, he's got his daddy's T-Bird, he's about to score with a mixed-race princess, what could possibly go wrong? Criminal Justice


Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history

Could we get any wetter?

Aerial Telly does not get excited about developments in the world of TV. He's BIN knowing about various spoilers, business lunches between TV stars and network executives and shows about to be culled. He knows which child actor is on coke, who's banging the director, who spent all night at the club with a transvestite. He's people that know people. He won't betray confidences because class oozes from every pore of his skinwrap. Suffice to say that he does not wile out about this piece of news or that piece of gossip. And yet and YET, ladies and gentlemen, he is thrilled to his very candy core about the prospect of Joss Whedon's Dollhouse, currently in production at the Fox network. Joss Whedon's Dollhouse will be the greatest television show in history


Euro 2008 TV coverage

Euro 2008 TV coverage

BBC ITV

An excellent, thrilling and marvellous Euro 2008 ended last night with the Spaniels the deserved winners, edging out the tenacious Hun in a tense final. Despite England's absence, the networks threw themselves into the TV coverage with all the stupidity and enthusiasm we've come to expect. The BBC had to win back the trust of the nation after having the brass balls to appoint that incandescent shitcake baker and multimillionaire-off-the-backs-of-the-people failure Steve McLaren to summarise on the radio. This showed all the judgement and good taste of Graeme Souness selling his story to The Sun three years after Hillsborough. It is an unholy miracle if that mope ever works in this country again. Euro 2008 TV coverage


Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls is the greatest fighter that ever lived

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, Harvester of Souls, is the greatest fighter that ever lived

Punks jump up to get beat down

They say nothing attracts a crowd like a funeral. So when WBC Lightweight Champion David Diaz stepped into the ring at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino in Las Vegas to be beaten to death he got a gracious welcome from the 8000 fight fans in the arena and it was a generous send off to one of the stand-up guys of boxing. But it was the entrance of his murderer, the beast, cold-blooded assassin Manny Pacquiao that really brought the crowd to its feet. Filipino men in the crowd held up "PACMAN MARRY ME" signs which seems unlikely in the staunchly Catholic Philippines (although the archipelago is no stranger to exploration of gender confusion). Aerial Telly doesn't make judgements. He just reports the facts, dammit. Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner


Summer Heights High

Summer Heights High

BBC3

Ok, this is a strange one. Firstly, it is an Australian import that doesn't suck cock. (Remember The Secret Life of Us? No, neither does anyone else but it was great. That was the last Australian show I liked). Secondly, it's a mockumentary based in an Australian public school (for British readers, who know the only correct use of public school is to describe a school the public can't afford, this means state school) where they portray bullying, racism, homophobia and all the other delights of a comprehensive education. Thirdly, all three main characters are played by the same man, Chris Lilley. Isn't that just asking for trouble? Summer Heights High


Calzaghe Jones

Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke

Calslappy ducks Pavlik in favour of molesting a pensioner

Aerial Telly told you that 1.44 was a terrible price for Joke Calslappy against Borenard Hopkunt and he was proved devastatingly right when Hopkunt eked out a narrow but clear victory. The fact that the so-called "judges" gave it to Calzaghe on a split decision merely demonstrated the corruption endemic in boxing and that Joe is better box office than Borenard (but then, so is Leo Sayer's reunion tour). For his next fight Joe was expected to accept the challenge of Kelly Pavlik, the classy, humble, undefeated middleweight champion from Youngstown, Ohio with fire in his belly and lead in his fists. Excellent. This was a great boxer vs puncher matchup - certain to capture the imagination on both sides of the Atlantic. What do we get instead? Roy Jones fricking Junior. Roid Jones jnr? You must be joking, Joke


Damages

Damages

FX

Early season one SPOILERS

Patty Hewes don't play. I mention this early on because there are times when watching Damages when you may think that Patty, played by Glenn Close, has a heart of marshmallow beneath her tough exoskeleton. Trust me, the girl does NOT play. Patty is a high-end criminal damages lawyer, brilliantly gifted and utterly ruthless. Coming up under Patty at her law firm is idealistic rookie Ellen Parsons (Rose Byrne). Rose Byrne looks exactly like Veronidurrrr in Prison Break and for her sake I hope Ellen Parsons has better credentials than the world's thickest lawyer and walking kidnap threat. Damages


The Apprentice: It's good to be fired ... with enthusiasm

The Apprentice: It's good to be fired ... with enthusiasm

The Guardian

What becomes of the broken hearted? Who got fired from a job they never started? According to sundry Sunday newspaper reports they do rather well and Aerial Telly was on hand to discuss The Apprentice and what it means to be a winner. Something he is more than qualified, overqualified, to speak on.The Apprentice: It's good to be fired ... with enthusiasm


Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Seeing as you had the nerve to ask

Being a leader of men, a success at everything he does and role model means that Aerial Telly is constantly being asked "questions" by "people".  Will Black Pele be making a comeback? 1  What about TV Quicksand, near-legendary forerunner of Aerial Telly? 2 Was Tara O'Mara a real person? 3  Did Aerial Telly hit that? 4 Oh so many questions.  But perhaps the one he gets asked most of all is who else does he rate as a TV critic?  Who is the second best priest in Ireland? A question Aerial Telly is only too happy to answer. Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Contact Aerial Telly

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO LIFE

10 reasons why you're scum if you smoke

2007: your relationshit is going nowhere

2008 - Napoleon Boneypie finally faces her Waterloo.

50 ways to grieve your lover

Aerial Telly - Black Irish bastard with the heart of a warrior and the soul of a poet

Aerial Telly - high functioning sociopath with narcissistic tendencies

Aerial Telly is not saying he had sex with Kate McCann but....

Aerial Telly loves Joni Mitchell but Little Green is not a deeply moving account of a mother's love for her child. It is an account of how Joni Mitchell gave up her child for money, fame and cock

Aerial Telly's favourite TV critics

Aerial Telly will not be sexing Doctor Kate McCann

Amy, for the love of God eat some chips you loopy cunt

Apology for slavery

The big veiny cock arms of love are strangling Brad Pitt

Gerald McClellan - dog murdering bastard who felt God's fury

Get stuffed you creeps - Aerial Telly is the best thing that ever happened to you and you know it

God bless the ginger balls of our brave assassin Prince

Handsome, talented and a sensational lay - but life is not all roses for Aerial Telly

Happy Christmas cock smokers

Having trouble with your long-turd relationshit? Relax, it's not just you.

It was the best of weeks, it was the worst of weeks

Kate McCann requests Aerial Telly phone number.

Ladies - time to ditch the borefriend and get with a real man

Let's get this straight - they drugged her, killed her, sat on her body for three weeks then dumped her in the ocean? Fuck you, Johnny Incompetentos...

The Mamas and the Papas rocked

Mea culpa - you a cunta

"Meet the parents" or "destroy what is left of her shattered self-esteem"

Natasha Collins and Mark Speight, saying NO to drugs and the self pitying twerps who use them

Never forgive, never forget, never for fun

Never mind that the case against them stinks like a hogwhore's cunt - just keep bullying the parents

No, Foxy Knoxy - Aerial Telly will not be representing your interests

OK Peter Hill, Daily Express "editor", I'm calling you out, you lying douchebag punk motherfucker shitbag son of a bitch

She came again today

So, the girl you love has got a ginger borefriend

So, you finally cooked for her - is there anything in life that you can't fuck up?

Stop your nonsense, ladies...Aerial Telly is single, sane and straight

Sympathy For The Devil

Who the fuck is Mick Jagger?

You're the only Aerial Telly reader whose girlfriend is safe from him

Your breath smells like a thousand miles of shit.

 

AERIAL TELLY'S GUIDE TO BETTING

200,000 undersexed schlubs have the weekend of their lives after following Aerial Telly's betting advice

Aerial Telly's bookie - rest in peace, loser

Aerial Telly - love and compassion in his heart, cash money in his wallet and your girl on his jock

Aerial Telly shows a hell of a lot of class by not celebrating yet another night of betting glory

Aerial Telly wins crushing victory against forces of darkness - bookmaker on suicide watch

Amir Khan World Champion before the end of the year? Get the fuck out of here.

The beast Miguel Cotto is going to buttfuck Antonio Margarito, piss in his face, then stomp him to death in front of a horrified bipartisan crowd as Margarito's wife weeps bitter tears before swearing revenge against the savage Puerto Rican and all his countrymen.

Bernard Hopkins v Joe Calzaghe is going the distance

Big Brother betting. Brian at 1.83 - have you freaks lost your minds?

Joe Calzaghe is going to beat Mikkel Kessler

Listen up, fuckwads - Floyd Mayweather to beat Oscar De La Hoya on points at anything over 8/11 is the bet of the year

Manny Pacquiao, the Mexicutioner, has killed more Mexicans than the maquiladoras

O'Neill at 4.5? Lay that motherfucker with everything you've got

OK, you Appalachian pissdrinkers get this - Winky Wright to beat Bernard Hopkins at evens is a phenomenal bet, the type that comes around once a century

Ricky Fatton CAN beat Floyd Mayweather. But the value is Ugly Boy Floyd at 1.57

Scandinavian betting giant's eyes water as they take a balls deep ass fucking from Aerial Telly

Yes, Aerial Telly puts his money where his miggedy mouth is

You'd have to be a total kiddy fiddler not to back Ricky Hatton against Jose Luis Castillo when Bet Direct are offering 1.62

 

TV REVIEWS (cont'd)

Pushing Daisies series premiere...

Richard and Judy

Rome Season One

Saxondale

The Secret Life of A Manic Depressive

The Secret Policemen's Ball

Seduction School: Size Doesn't Matter

Sex Addict

Seymour Butts

Shameless

Shameless Season 4

Shane

The Shield

The Shield - Season Five Finale

The Shield - Season 6

Six Feet Under

Skins

Skins Season 2

Smoking Room

The Sopranos Season 6

Space Cadets

The Spy Who Stole My Life

State of the TV Nation Address

Stepkids In Love

Studs of Suburbia

Supernanny

Surviving Disaster

Take That... for the Record

Talk to me

Ted Bundy - Natural Porn Killer

The Thick Of It

This Life +10

This World: Kidnap Cops

Too Ugly For Love

TV's Naughtiest Blunders

Unanimous

Veronica Mars

Veronica Mars Season Three Half-term Report

Veronica Mars Season Two

Veronica Mars Season Three Premiere

Veronica Mars Season Three finale

A Very Social Secretary

Weeds

Weeds Season 3

When Lineker Met Maradona

Wimbledon coverage

The Wire

The Wire, Season 4

The Wire Season 5 Premiere

The Wire Series Finale

World Cup coverage

World's Deadliest Gangs

X Factor 2005

X-Factor 2007

Zoo Magazine adverts

 

FILM REVIEWS

28 Weeks Later

2 Days In Paris

American Gangster

Apocalypto

Atonement

The Bank Job

The Bourne Ultimatum

Control

Dawn Of The Dead

The Departed

The Descent

Fahrenheit 9/11

Hard Candy

Ils (Them)

Juno

Lars and the Real Girl

Lust, Caution

Notes On A Scandal

Once

Open Water

Pan's Labyrinth

Rocky Balboa

Saw

Super Size Me

United 93

When the Levees Broke

 

MISC REVIEWS

40 Pupils Suspended For Bullying

Amazon Review Scum

Aerial Telly forever - Birmingham arts scene scum never

Blowjob monologues and the like

Ellen MacArthur

Floyd Mayweather v Carlos Manuel Baldomir

An Illustrated History of Dis

Fooled By Randomness

Hip-hop

Listen up, douchebags: Larry Merchant KO1 murdering rapist hype merchant scum that constitute boxing's deal-making fight-avoiding turd elite

Morales v Barrera III

Music Sounds Better With You(tube)

NME cool list

Paralympics

Playlouder Reviews

Stan Collymore

The Streets

Vertigolf

We Expose Palace Security As A Bag Of Shite

 

LINKS

Justin Quirk's England for the English

The ABC Blog

Acidemic

Amanda the Aspiring TV Writer

Basket of Kisses

Behind-The-Scenes at JackMyers.com

Bill Crider's Pop Culture Magazine

Blake's 7 guide

Buzzin TV

Cerebral Mastication

Check the Fien Print

Chickaboomer

Cinema Retro

Cinema Styles

Classic Television Showbiz

CultTv International

The Custard

Daemon's TV

Deus Ex Malcontent

Emma Kennedy

Galactica Sitrep

House M.D. guide

I am a TV Junkie

Kung Fu guide

Media Pundit

The Medium Is Not Enough

Moonlight Detective

Mr. Peel's Sardine Liqueur

Movie Waffle

Neighbours: The Perfect Blend

Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

Patrick's Show Blog

The Phil Nugent Experience

Ryan's British TV Show Reviews

Self-Styled Siren

Spoiler Fix

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TV and Film Guy's Reviews

TV Ark

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What Sucks blog